Couples ask wedding guests to foot the bill for their nuptials on clarkhoward.com

Is it appropriate to ask your guests to foot the bill for a lavish wedding? The Atlanta Journal Constitution recently ran a story about couples who are spearheading this new and controversial trend.

Clark, for one, is appalled. But he may not be alone; a recent Brides.com survey found that almost 80 percent of those questioned had viewpoints in line with the consumer champ.

Be sure to vote in our poll and let us know what you think.

Clark has in the past talked about some couples who request cash for a home down-payment in lieu of gifts and he's OK with that.

In addition, another woman once called in to the show to explain how her wedding was paid for by sponsors. Her flowers had ads for a local florist, her dress had a sign with the maker's name on it and so on.

Clark is comfortable with both of those thrifty approaches. But to have a fancier reception on your guests' dime and bill them as if they're customers?!

Whatever happened to a simple wedding in your backyard or at your local church? Borrow a dress, rent one or wrestle with other brides at a $99 wedding dress sale to get one. Remember, a wedding is not a coronation. It's about the love you have for each other.

However, if you absolutely want your reception to be a coronation, then marry as cheaply as you can now and renew your vows with an extravagant blowout when you're more financially secure.

What others are saying

Couples asking for money to pay for wedding
I married in the 70's and was in my 20's and made good money. My husband & I both had great employment and paid for nearly all of our wedding. Neither of us lived with our folks for years and didn't even consider asking our parents to help with our wedding plans. We had the wedding we wanted to afford - no charging, no debt we paid for it with the money we had. We didn't even have the china dishes set up since those generally go unused in our generation. Our wedding was wonderful, our honeymoon was great and we paid for it all in cash (no charge cards then) but we planned for it - what happened to planning? Isn't that a part of being responsible and prepared to go out into the world as a couple? 150 plus people watch us exchange our vows over 200 were at our reception, our Parents did provide some financial help (we didn't ask for it) and we simply had a wonderful time. To ask people for money to attend your wedding well I would throw that invite right in the trash can and talk about them for months. After all getting all dressed up for a wedding and having to pay for being there - I would rather go to a movie/theater event with that money. And this is U.S.A. not a foreign tradition as I have seened mentioned in other comments. But good for those ethnic groups and fine that they stay with their traditions - but this is not USA tradition - our brides and grooms are getting a bit too selfish and greedy.
By SK @ 10/08/09 01:49:48 AMreport abuse
Shameless but effective
Being part of the Mexican American community, I have witneessed this phenomenum for a long time. The parents of both the bride and groomm will make a list of all their relatives, friends, acquaintances, etc. They will ask everyone on the list, months in advance, to be "Padrinos" or sponsors. Depending on the familiar proximity, they will ask for anywhere from $50 to hundreds of dollars. They don't have to contribute if they don't want to but of course they probably won't get an invitation. Why not just charge people to attend their wedding? Shameless!!!
By Josefus @ 09/23/09 04:27:21 PMreport abuse
Wedding Gifts
Your poll is misleading, Clark. Your question is about "wedding expenses" and your 4th choice is about "cash gifts". There is a big difference between expenses for the wedding and what people may 'choose' to give the bride and groom. There is absolutely nothing wrong in a gift of cash (check, etc.) - Italians have been doing this forever. In fact, it is really nice to honor the new couple that way because starting out is rough and it allows them to put that money to good use. On the other hand, nobody pays for a wedding/reception etcetera except by the families of the bride and/or groom (groom family if they offer only). Also, if others in their families offer to help out, that is fine too. Offers are different than telling, requesting or suggesting. Don't force people to hate you when you start out in life.
By Kate @ 09/21/09 08:48:19 PMreport abuse
Wedding Gifts
My second marriage, we got married in a chapel in Palm Springs w/only family members and went on to dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant, which we paid for. The reception for our friends was held two weeks later in Los Angeles at my husband's family's home, and was catered by a friend of mine who was kind to do so at NO EXPENSE. The flowers and cake we bought separate. Everyone showed up, some early and some had excuses for no gift, or that they forgot the gift (which we never received at all). But most showered us with beautiful gifts and we never complained about a thing. As for people of this generation 'expecting' everything to be handed to them, with cash and homes, I say , READMYLIPS, NO WAY!
By Dee @ 09/21/09 08:35:06 PMreport abuse
Asking wedding guests to foot bill.
O.K. Deep sigh! Sorry Clark, but it is NOT o.k. to request cash in lieu of gifts, regardless of your intentions for the use of the cash - house down payment, pay off debt, pay for your reception, or ANYTHING ELSE. Those are your responsibilities, not mine. It is not my desire or decision to help you buy any of those things. I paid for mine, now you pay for yours.

Please, let's bring back some manners to our society.

REMEMBER THIS FOLKS - A gift is not something you place an order for; rather it is something another person CHOSE to give to you. If YOU ordered it, YOU pay for it.

Personally, when I receive ANYTHING that has the "in lieu of" line included, it immediately goes into my trash can.

When I give a gift, it is something I have invested a great deal of thought in and something that I hope the recipient will enjoy; however, it is now and will continue to be MY choice. When I spend my money, I, and only I, will decide how to do that.

If this offends any of the people who were going to INVITE me to be a GUEST at their affair, then I will consider it a blessing that I was excluded from their self-serving, money grabbing lifestyle. I'll just stay home, enjoy my simple meal with my circle of friends who 100% agree with me as to what these tacky, tacky, immature people can do with their "invitation" and wish them well with all my heart.

You TWO enjoy yourselves now.
By Johnnie C @ 09/21/09 07:40:40 PMreport abuse
birthday party
I took my grandson to a birthday party, because my daughter could not attend, and asked the child's mom if the child was still into Thomas the Train, the mother said you can give us cash because we want to go to Disney Land in Dec. What is next????
By grandma @ 09/21/09 07:40:21 PMreport abuse
Wedding Bells
My wife and I are married 61 years on 9/11... I think a simple wedding should be the order of the day in these times. Ours was a simple at home ceremony with family and friends and was memorable.
By Bill Young @ 09/21/09 07:09:09 PMreport abuse
I agree......Tacky!
I recently was invited to a wedding where I was asked to bring a dish. So in other words, bring a gift for the bride and groom, and oh by the way, we want you to feed yourself and others as well. My thoughts on that is if you can't afford to feed a large crowd of people, only invite the number you can afford to feed. If you want more people, just serve what you can afford the amount of people invited. Don't ask your guest to feed themselves and others. TACKY!!!!
By venox6625 @ 09/21/09 04:33:24 PMreport abuse
Outrageous!
If they cannot afford to pay for their own wedding, have a simple one, in your backyard, in your living room, at a friends house - I agree with Clark: borrow or rent a dress, and keep the expenses down. With divorce rates so high, who knows how long a $ 20 000 wedding will keep the couple happy anyway...

It is the "me, me, and me again" attitude. If there is real love between the couple, and if they are as mature as they ought to be when getting married, they should know that asking guests to help pay for the wedding is outrageous at best.
By Eva S. @ 09/21/09 03:58:44 PMreport abuse
weddding guests paying for reception
If they want to ask people to pay for their reception, I think they should.I think it will be a very small gathering. Maybe just a party of two!!
By Dusty @ 09/21/09 03:44:24 PMreport abuse
"I" Want "I" Deserve
This is a generation of "I". I want it and since I want it, it is soomeone else responsibility to see that I get what I want because I deserve it.
These are the same type people who will steal from stores because the store
has more money than they do and the store owes them. Guest at a wedding DO NOT owe these people anything. If the guest have to pay, then they are NOT guest.
I will refuse to acknowledge such a rude invatation.
By Eve @ 09/21/09 02:31:13 PMreport abuse
Guests paying for The Wedding
I thought the guest brings a gift out of their hearts to give to the couple. A couple wanting $$$ in order to attend the wedding is tacky on the couple's part.
By KAB @ 09/21/09 01:38:51 PMreport abuse
wedding
Before my son got married his wife to be TOLD me (not asked) that the grooms parents were responsible for THEIR honeymoon! I had never heard of that and we refused to pay for it. Needless to say she was furious and we have not seen them if 5 yrs. We did give them 1,000 cash and got a cold thank you card address using our first names, not mom and dad. They also had lived together for several years and have a houseful of stuff. Kids expect way too much.
By Jo @ 09/21/09 12:42:20 PMreport abuse
Disgusting!
In a bridal shower, friends and family get together to plan the party and foot the bill.

If the couple-to-be want their wedding to be handled that way, they should make their wishes known and step out of the picture. Anything more is greed.
By jimmy @ 09/15/09 02:03:15 PMreport abuse
This is a good indicator if you should get married.
If they don't have the momey to get married then maybe they shouldn't. Also, I am tired to getting invited to weddings where the couples have been living together for years, and have a couple of kids out of wed-lock.

Tacky, Tri-tacky!!!
By PennyPincher @ 09/15/09 01:22:59 PMreport abuse
LOL!
How conceded! To even want a lavish traditional wedding is selfish, but to ask others to pay for it is disgusting. I blame this stupid "gotta have it" culture for this MEGA wedding fad, you people are watching too much tv.

Backyard weddings or even say a vacation by yourselves to some destination that is special to the couple makes more sense. And if you want the tax breaks marriage offers then city hall it is. But what the hell is wrong with just being together without that silly religious ceremony, meaningless jewelry and a piece of paper from the state saying you're married? My brother and his wife spent over $25,000 on their wedding, and that's nothing compared to normal standards, and now just a few years later they're struggling to pay their mortgage and bills. That 25k sure would of came in handy right about now for them.

Dumb! I blame the women and their weakness for the romance of the big wedding, no normal guy cares about a lavish wedding. If you wanna play you gotta pay!
By Chris @ 09/14/09 01:59:11 PMreport abuse
paying wedding guests
The Mexican/catholic culture has had people pay for years, they are the folks who line the isle that the bride walks down....
By ken wilder @ 09/14/09 01:40:23 PMreport abuse
Wedding guests footing nuptials?
What's next...asking friends and family to pay for engagement rings? Wedding bands? First new baby? First new home? First new car?

Beside personal compatibility, one of the main issues that intendeds need to have a no-holds-barred discussion and understanding of is their individual and joint finances and goals. To one party, "a few debts" may mean $30,000. to another more money conscience party, a few bills may mean: "Not to exceed $1,500."

When people can't afford to pay for their own wedding, they're not ready for marriage! And when they're not knowledgeable enough to know how ridiculously offensive such a proposal would be, they're obviously, seriously lacking in their mental capacity!

I can almost promise you, sight unseen that these people have credit that is 'tore up from the floor up'. Or they're dealing with a seriously misdirected sense of entitlement, and are unable to see the impropriety of asking friends and relatives to be honored by being asked to foot the first bill of the new Mr. & Mrs.

Someone who truly loves these misguided nincompoops should sit them all down in a round table, and connect them to reality with a couse in fiscal accountability and responsibility. If that doesn't happen, it will only be a matter of time before the newlyweds start asking for money for other things from people.

I would be too embarrassed to own up to a friendship with anyone with such a small sense of dignity and personal value.

Romance without finance is a bad chance. Romance on someone else's dime is inane.
By Mary @ 09/14/09 01:05:14 PMreport abuse
Not ok for "suggestions" for gifts?
A few of you have stated that it's not ok for the bride/groom to "suggest" or "request" money as a gift? Are you kidding? Don't they already do that when they register at stores? Why don't you have a problem with that too? It's pretty much the same thing.

I agree that those asking to have the wedding PAID for directly by the guests is tacky. But asking for specific gifts is not unusual, even if cash is requested. Personally, we would have preferred cash to some of the gifts we received, even those that we registered for.

Live and let live.
By Wookie @ 09/14/09 11:54:17 AMreport abuse
Entitlement Generation
This is just another facet of this generation - we're entitled and someone else should pay for it.
By J.J. @ 09/14/09 11:22:39 AMreport abuse
Unbelievably tacky
Please...to all the couples who think it's "okay" to ask for money in any shape or form, or make "suggestions" for what gifts people should lavish upon you...here's a tip. It's not okay, it's never been okay. It's incredibly rude and tacky. And that's what most of your guests will be thinking, but of course, out of courtesy, they won't tell you that.

Somehow some people have gotten the idea that weddings are giant events to drum up gifts or money for the couple, and to show off what a giant party they can put on.

Your wedding is supposed to be an occasion where the focus is on the bride and groom's love and commitment. If you want friends and family to share in that, it is an HONOR for you to host them. That honor means you don't imply in any way that your guests are expected to shower money and gifts upon you.
By Jayde @ 09/14/09 09:50:59 AMreport abuse
Please..................
WTF is tje world coming to when you can't pay for your own wedding. I was a divorced mother with two kids and got remarried with a large wedding over 500 guests and the whole thing cost me, including my dress $500. We didn't have a bar or feed them anything but cake and punch. We were told my almosy everyone how lovely the wedding and reception was and I was asked to plan 2 weddings and receptions for guest because they knew what mine cost. It can be done. You just need to be conscience of what you are doing. The guest don't need to foot the bill.......
By Ronda @ 09/13/09 10:44:43 PMreport abuse
Wedding
If you can't afforf a big wedding, have a smalled one, if you can afford that, get a JP. Come on people, asking others to pay for your wedding is going too far. Maybe you shouldn't get married in the first place, so you won't ever have to get divorced.
By Guy @ 09/12/09 02:39:59 AMreport abuse
Cash gifts or fees?
I have nothing against cash gifts to help the newlyweds start their new household together. But a wedding is not a high school prom financed by ticket sales. If your main focus is on having a big party and getting people to pay for it, that's not a wedding.
By mc2 @ 09/11/09 09:57:39 PMreport abuse
What is a wedding?
I think people are losing perspective on what a wedding is. The purpose of a wedding is (1) to exchange vows, (2) to let people witness the exchange of vows, and (3) insofar as feasible, to have a celebration. There are too many people nowadays who want a wedding and don't want a marriage!
By mc @ 09/11/09 09:52:06 PMreport abuse
re: Shame on Clark
If you need to ask for donations for your wedding you DON'T need to have a wedding! If they are so "budget minded" they should go to the courthouse. %25000 for 8 hours is ridiculous. Its a shame weddings are so overpriced but its that way because people actually pay the insane costs.
By jamie @ 09/11/09 09:35:06 PMreport abuse
Perfectly Fine if Done Tastefully
I never give a wedding gift (nor Bday or Xmas presents) but just cash or a nonexpiring gift cards instead. In my wedding (15 years ago) I had the same and received 15K in cash and gift certificates that we put in good use. It's Ok to say "No presents please but gift cards appreciated" on the invitation.
By Chloe @ 09/11/09 09:00:23 PMreport abuse
Asking guest to foot the bill for their neptials
In general, directly asking for money is in poor taste and just tacky. I think that dollar dance, cash bars, and setting up “wishing wells” and money trees at the reception are ok. I don't have a problem with tasteful sponsors or bartering for some services. These are good ways to cut costs.

My Aunt and Uncle spent $10.00 for the preacher over 64 years ago and had a long and happpy life together. Another couple I know spent over $25,000. and did not make their firstanniverary.

People need to be reminded that the cost does not indicat the kind of marriage they will have. It is ok to say you have all the toasters and dishes you need, but asking out right for money is just rude.

Define "budget-minded" for me. I am a bit confused my idea of bugdet-minded and theirs is quite different. Debt-free is great, but come on. I mean really!!
By Sherry @ 09/11/09 08:03:43 PMreport abuse
Clark is right on.
“The idea is to allow our friends to be a part of the experience and contribute to our love.” Please, how manipulative " ... contribute to our love.” Makes me want to throw up.
By anonymous @ 09/11/09 07:04:49 PMreport abuse
Grow up
Grow up people - just go to your courthouse for circa $30!
By p @ 09/11/09 06:55:53 PMreport abuse
Shame on Clark
Shame on Clark for distorting the article. The article said that these people are "budget-minded". They are not planning a lavish wedding or fancier reception. They are scaling their wedding back and want to be debt-free. Also, they are accepting "donations" and not billing their guests as customers.

BTW, I always give cash to the bride and groom. None of them have ever complained. I think it's fine to ask for cash as long as there is no "suggested dollar amount per guest".
By z @ 09/11/09 05:34:44 PMreport abuse

Couples asking for money to pay for wedding

I married in the 70's and was in my 20's and made good money. My husband & I both had great employment and paid for nearly all of our wedding. Neither of us lived with our folks for years and didn't even consider asking our parents to help with our wedding plans. We had the wedding we wanted to afford - no charging, no debt we paid for it with the money we had. We didn't even have the china dishes set up since those generally go unused in our generation. Our wedding was wonderful, our honeymoon was great and we paid for it all in cash (no charge cards then) but we planned for it - what happened to planning? Isn't that a part of being responsible and prepared to go out into the world as a couple? 150 plus people watch us exchange our vows over 200 were at our reception, our Parents did provide some financial help (we didn't ask for it) and we simply had a wonderful time. To ask people for money to attend your wedding well I would throw that invite right in the trash can and talk about them for months. After all getting all dressed up for a wedding and having to pay for being there - I would rather go to a movie/theater event with that money. And this is U.S.A. not a foreign tradition as I have seened mentioned in other comments. But good for those ethnic groups and fine that they stay with their traditions - but this is not USA tradition - our brides and grooms are getting a bit too selfish and greedy.

By SK @ 10/08/09 01:49:48 AMreport abuse

Shameless but effective

Being part of the Mexican American community, I have witneessed this phenomenum for a long time. The parents of both the bride and groomm will make a list of all their relatives, friends, acquaintances, etc. They will ask everyone on the list, months in advance, to be "Padrinos" or sponsors. Depending on the familiar proximity, they will ask for anywhere from $50 to hundreds of dollars. They don't have to contribute if they don't want to but of course they probably won't get an invitation. Why not just charge people to attend their wedding? Shameless!!!

By Josefus @ 09/23/09 04:27:21 PMreport abuse

Wedding Gifts

Your poll is misleading, Clark. Your question is about "wedding expenses" and your 4th choice is about "cash gifts". There is a big difference between expenses for the wedding and what people may 'choose' to give the bride and groom. There is absolutely nothing wrong in a gift of cash (check, etc.) - Italians have been doing this forever. In fact, it is really nice to honor the new couple that way because starting out is rough and it allows them to put that money to good use. On the other hand, nobody pays for a wedding/reception etcetera except by the families of the bride and/or groom (groom family if they offer only). Also, if others in their families offer to help out, that is fine too. Offers are different than telling, requesting or suggesting. Don't force people to hate you when you start out in life.

By Kate @ 09/21/09 08:48:19 PMreport abuse

My second marriage, we got married in a chapel in Palm Springs w/only family members and went on to dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant, which we paid for. The reception for our friends was held two weeks later in Los Angeles at my husband's family's home, and was catered by a friend of mine who was kind to do so at NO EXPENSE. The flowers and cake we bought separate. Everyone showed up, some early and some had excuses for no gift, or that they forgot the gift (which we never received at all). But most showered us with beautiful gifts and we never complained about a thing. As for people of this generation 'expecting' everything to be handed to them, with cash and homes, I say , READMYLIPS, NO WAY!

By Dee @ 09/21/09 08:35:06 PMreport abuse

Asking wedding guests to foot bill.

O.K. Deep sigh! Sorry Clark, but it is NOT o.k. to request cash in lieu of gifts, regardless of your intentions for the use of the cash - house down payment, pay off debt, pay for your reception, or ANYTHING ELSE. Those are your responsibilities, not mine. It is not my desire or decision to help you buy any of those things. I paid for mine, now you pay for yours.

Please, let's bring back some manners to our society.

REMEMBER THIS FOLKS - A gift is not something you place an order for; rather it is something another person CHOSE to give to you. If YOU ordered it, YOU pay for it.

Personally, when I receive ANYTHING that has the "in lieu of" line included, it immediately goes into my trash can.

When I give a gift, it is something I have invested a great deal of thought in and something that I hope the recipient will enjoy; however, it is now and will continue to be MY choice. When I spend my money, I, and only I, will decide how to do that.

If this offends any of the people who were going to INVITE me to be a GUEST at their affair, then I will consider it a blessing that I was excluded from their self-serving, money grabbing lifestyle. I'll just stay home, enjoy my simple meal with my circle of friends who 100% agree with me as to what these tacky, tacky, immature people can do with their "invitation" and wish them well with all my heart.

You TWO enjoy yourselves now.

By Johnnie C @ 09/21/09 07:40:40 PMreport abuse

birthday party

I took my grandson to a birthday party, because my daughter could not attend, and asked the child's mom if the child was still into Thomas the Train, the mother said you can give us cash because we want to go to Disney Land in Dec. What is next????

By grandma @ 09/21/09 07:40:21 PMreport abuse

Wedding Bells

My wife and I are married 61 years on 9/11... I think a simple wedding should be the order of the day in these times. Ours was a simple at home ceremony with family and friends and was memorable.

By Bill Young @ 09/21/09 07:09:09 PMreport abuse

I agree......Tacky!

I recently was invited to a wedding where I was asked to bring a dish. So in other words, bring a gift for the bride and groom, and oh by the way, we want you to feed yourself and others as well. My thoughts on that is if you can't afford to feed a large crowd of people, only invite the number you can afford to feed. If you want more people, just serve what you can afford the amount of people invited. Don't ask your guest to feed themselves and others. TACKY!!!!

By venox6625 @ 09/21/09 04:33:24 PMreport abuse

Outrageous!

If they cannot afford to pay for their own wedding, have a simple one, in your backyard, in your living room, at a friends house - I agree with Clark: borrow or rent a dress, and keep the expenses down. With divorce rates so high, who knows how long a $ 20 000 wedding will keep the couple happy anyway...

It is the "me, me, and me again" attitude. If there is real love between the couple, and if they are as mature as they ought to be when getting married, they should know that asking guests to help pay for the wedding is outrageous at best.

By Eva S. @ 09/21/09 03:58:44 PMreport abuse

weddding guests paying for reception

If they want to ask people to pay for their reception, I think they should.I think it will be a very small gathering. Maybe just a party of two!!

By Dusty @ 09/21/09 03:44:24 PMreport abuse

"I" Want "I" Deserve

This is a generation of "I". I want it and since I want it, it is soomeone else responsibility to see that I get what I want because I deserve it.
These are the same type people who will steal from stores because the store
has more money than they do and the store owes them. Guest at a wedding DO NOT owe these people anything. If the guest have to pay, then they are NOT guest.
I will refuse to acknowledge such a rude invatation.

By Eve @ 09/21/09 02:31:13 PMreport abuse

Guests paying for The Wedding

I thought the guest brings a gift out of their hearts to give to the couple. A couple wanting $$$ in order to attend the wedding is tacky on the couple's part.

By KAB @ 09/21/09 01:38:51 PMreport abuse

wedding

Before my son got married his wife to be TOLD me (not asked) that the grooms parents were responsible for THEIR honeymoon! I had never heard of that and we refused to pay for it. Needless to say she was furious and we have not seen them if 5 yrs. We did give them 1,000 cash and got a cold thank you card address using our first names, not mom and dad. They also had lived together for several years and have a houseful of stuff. Kids expect way too much.

By Jo @ 09/21/09 12:42:20 PMreport abuse

Disgusting!

In a bridal shower, friends and family get together to plan the party and foot the bill.

If the couple-to-be want their wedding to be handled that way, they should make their wishes known and step out of the picture. Anything more is greed.

By jimmy @ 09/15/09 02:03:15 PMreport abuse

This is a good indicator if you should get married.

If they don't have the momey to get married then maybe they shouldn't. Also, I am tired to getting invited to weddings where the couples have been living together for years, and have a couple of kids out of wed-lock.

Tacky, Tri-tacky!!!

By PennyPincher @ 09/15/09 01:22:59 PMreport abuse

LOL!

How conceded! To even want a lavish traditional wedding is selfish, but to ask others to pay for it is disgusting. I blame this stupid "gotta have it" culture for this MEGA wedding fad, you people are watching too much tv.

Backyard weddings or even say a vacation by yourselves to some destination that is special to the couple makes more sense. And if you want the tax breaks marriage offers then city hall it is. But what the hell is wrong with just being together without that silly religious ceremony, meaningless jewelry and a piece of paper from the state saying you're married? My brother and his wife spent over $25,000 on their wedding, and that's nothing compared to normal standards, and now just a few years later they're struggling to pay their mortgage and bills. That 25k sure would of came in handy right about now for them.

Dumb! I blame the women and their weakness for the romance of the big wedding, no normal guy cares about a lavish wedding. If you wanna play you gotta pay!

By Chris @ 09/14/09 01:59:11 PMreport abuse

paying wedding guests

The Mexican/catholic culture has had people pay for years, they are the folks who line the isle that the bride walks down....

By ken wilder @ 09/14/09 01:40:23 PMreport abuse

Wedding guests footing nuptials?

What's next...asking friends and family to pay for engagement rings? Wedding bands? First new baby? First new home? First new car?

Beside personal compatibility, one of the main issues that intendeds need to have a no-holds-barred discussion and understanding of is their individual and joint finances and goals. To one party, "a few debts" may mean $30,000. to another more money conscience party, a few bills may mean: "Not to exceed $1,500."

When people can't afford to pay for their own wedding, they're not ready for marriage! And when they're not knowledgeable enough to know how ridiculously offensive such a proposal would be, they're obviously, seriously lacking in their mental capacity!

I can almost promise you, sight unseen that these people have credit that is 'tore up from the floor up'. Or they're dealing with a seriously misdirected sense of entitlement, and are unable to see the impropriety of asking friends and relatives to be honored by being asked to foot the first bill of the new Mr. & Mrs.

Someone who truly loves these misguided nincompoops should sit them all down in a round table, and connect them to reality with a couse in fiscal accountability and responsibility. If that doesn't happen, it will only be a matter of time before the newlyweds start asking for money for other things from people.

I would be too embarrassed to own up to a friendship with anyone with such a small sense of dignity and personal value.

Romance without finance is a bad chance. Romance on someone else's dime is inane.

By Mary @ 09/14/09 01:05:14 PMreport abuse

Not ok for "suggestions" for gifts?

A few of you have stated that it's not ok for the bride/groom to "suggest" or "request" money as a gift? Are you kidding? Don't they already do that when they register at stores? Why don't you have a problem with that too? It's pretty much the same thing.

I agree that those asking to have the wedding PAID for directly by the guests is tacky. But asking for specific gifts is not unusual, even if cash is requested. Personally, we would have preferred cash to some of the gifts we received, even those that we registered for.

Live and let live.

By Wookie @ 09/14/09 11:54:17 AMreport abuse

Entitlement Generation

This is just another facet of this generation - we're entitled and someone else should pay for it.

By J.J. @ 09/14/09 11:22:39 AMreport abuse

Unbelievably tacky

Please...to all the couples who think it's "okay" to ask for money in any shape or form, or make "suggestions" for what gifts people should lavish upon you...here's a tip. It's not okay, it's never been okay. It's incredibly rude and tacky. And that's what most of your guests will be thinking, but of course, out of courtesy, they won't tell you that.

Somehow some people have gotten the idea that weddings are giant events to drum up gifts or money for the couple, and to show off what a giant party they can put on.

Your wedding is supposed to be an occasion where the focus is on the bride and groom's love and commitment. If you want friends and family to share in that, it is an HONOR for you to host them. That honor means you don't imply in any way that your guests are expected to shower money and gifts upon you.

By Jayde @ 09/14/09 09:50:59 AMreport abuse

Please..................

WTF is tje world coming to when you can't pay for your own wedding. I was a divorced mother with two kids and got remarried with a large wedding over 500 guests and the whole thing cost me, including my dress $500. We didn't have a bar or feed them anything but cake and punch. We were told my almosy everyone how lovely the wedding and reception was and I was asked to plan 2 weddings and receptions for guest because they knew what mine cost. It can be done. You just need to be conscience of what you are doing. The guest don't need to foot the bill.......

By Ronda @ 09/13/09 10:44:43 PMreport abuse

Wedding

If you can't afforf a big wedding, have a smalled one, if you can afford that, get a JP. Come on people, asking others to pay for your wedding is going too far. Maybe you shouldn't get married in the first place, so you won't ever have to get divorced.

By Guy @ 09/12/09 02:39:59 AMreport abuse

Cash gifts or fees?

I have nothing against cash gifts to help the newlyweds start their new household together. But a wedding is not a high school prom financed by ticket sales. If your main focus is on having a big party and getting people to pay for it, that's not a wedding.

By mc2 @ 09/11/09 09:57:39 PMreport abuse

What is a wedding?

I think people are losing perspective on what a wedding is. The purpose of a wedding is (1) to exchange vows, (2) to let people witness the exchange of vows, and (3) insofar as feasible, to have a celebration. There are too many people nowadays who want a wedding and don't want a marriage!

By mc @ 09/11/09 09:52:06 PMreport abuse

re: Shame on Clark

If you need to ask for donations for your wedding you DON'T need to have a wedding! If they are so "budget minded" they should go to the courthouse. %25000 for 8 hours is ridiculous. Its a shame weddings are so overpriced but its that way because people actually pay the insane costs.

By jamie @ 09/11/09 09:35:06 PMreport abuse

Perfectly Fine if Done Tastefully

I never give a wedding gift (nor Bday or Xmas presents) but just cash or a nonexpiring gift cards instead. In my wedding (15 years ago) I had the same and received 15K in cash and gift certificates that we put in good use. It's Ok to say "No presents please but gift cards appreciated" on the invitation.

By Chloe @ 09/11/09 09:00:23 PMreport abuse

Asking guest to foot the bill for their neptials

In general, directly asking for money is in poor taste and just tacky. I think that dollar dance, cash bars, and setting up “wishing wells” and money trees at the reception are ok. I don't have a problem with tasteful sponsors or bartering for some services. These are good ways to cut costs.

My Aunt and Uncle spent $10.00 for the preacher over 64 years ago and had a long and happpy life together. Another couple I know spent over $25,000. and did not make their firstanniverary.

People need to be reminded that the cost does not indicat the kind of marriage they will have. It is ok to say you have all the toasters and dishes you need, but asking out right for money is just rude.

Define "budget-minded" for me. I am a bit confused my idea of bugdet-minded and theirs is quite different. Debt-free is great, but come on. I mean really!!

By Sherry @ 09/11/09 08:03:43 PMreport abuse

Clark is right on.

“The idea is to allow our friends to be a part of the experience and contribute to our love.” Please, how manipulative " ... contribute to our love.” Makes me want to throw up.

By anonymous @ 09/11/09 07:04:49 PMreport abuse

Grow up

Grow up people - just go to your courthouse for circa $30!

By p @ 09/11/09 06:55:53 PMreport abuse

Shame on Clark

Shame on Clark for distorting the article. The article said that these people are "budget-minded". They are not planning a lavish wedding or fancier reception. They are scaling their wedding back and want to be debt-free. Also, they are accepting "donations" and not billing their guests as customers.

BTW, I always give cash to the bride and groom. None of them have ever complained. I think it's fine to ask for cash as long as there is no "suggested dollar amount per guest".

By z @ 09/11/09 05:34:44 PMreport abuse

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Sep 11, 2009 -- Couples ask wedding guests to foot the bill for their nuptials

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