I hate commercials - those soul sucking interruptions in my favorite soul sucking, addictive shows, ads aimed at sucking all the remaining life out of my thin blue wallet. I hate them so much, I've used DVR to play back and vivisect them on occasion. What can I say. It relaxes me - a way to reclaim a modicum of control while being brainwashed.
For starters, it's distressing in the midst of our collective green awakening to see that manufacturers of household cleaning products have re-invented the mop and dust rag to convince you to purchase disposable refills of both!!
Objection Your Honor!
One such ad has a feather duster on trial, in a court room!
Criminalizing a feather duster - even for humorous effect.
Well I'm not laughing. What have we become?
Maybe the new fangled duster DOES grab dust better than the traditional ostrich feather duster. But so do those synthetic fiber, crazy colored dusting rods available at the dollar store. A one time purchase that holds dust. You take it out and beat it against something to clean it. And that's just good, clean fun. Meanwhile, countless ostriches have lost their raison d'etre. Can't we just stop the damage at that? And what of the simple damp rag for dusting? I submit! Have not such lowly, servantile objects worked just fine, FOR CENTURIES! I'd argue I was a pretty salty charwoman in a previous life, oh wait, in THIS life, and I take cleaning seriously. You can't make a better mouse-trap.
And a duster is a duster is a.... et al.
Next case: I'll mop up the floor with...... a mop!
The advert for the swift new mop is set in a chichi gallery featuring a fashionista couple, contemptuously contemplating an industrial mop, with a steel bucket large enough to bathe a small child in. "This doesn't work on so many levels," sniffs the woman, looking as if she's never wielded a broom, much less a mop, in her life. "It's outdated, stale, a mess..... Remove it from my space," is the disdainful wave-off of the ad's Ralph Lauren clone.
What! Off to prison too for the tried & true string mop, where the once venerable, now incarcerated feather duster will likely become it's .... cellmate!!
I submit! Ye olde traditional string mop works! Dirty mop water begets dirtier mop water. (The sponge mop and all it's descendants, especially the one in question, are imposters!) Give the string mop a light rinse using as little water as possible, let it dry, and behold, a clean floor!
You didn't spend extra money. You're not throwing anything away.
You won't run out of refills. And the mop won't run out on you, FOR YEARS.
Plus, mopping is real exercise. I don't need to glide and dance as I mop.
That's for later, as a reward.
The prosecution argues that traditional mops don't have the built-in
"Febreeze lavender & vanilla comfort scent", or a "scrubbing strip for tough,
dried-on messes." Point taken. But consider an actual lavender plant is cheap and lasting. And if ye olde mop doesn't take out the tough, dried on mess, there's this cool old stuff called elbow grease. It works great with ye olde standby, the rag. Free. And I'm on it. Defense rests.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed here are not necessarily shared by anyone, and I suspect I've got co-workers on that swifter train to ruination!
Stand by.
